Our baby girl...

This is probably (hopefully) the hardest post we'll ever have to write.

Baby Ande was born Sunday evening, October 12, 2008 at 9:09 CST. We were able to hold her and spend time with her for about two hours. Ande's Grandma Sally (my mom) and her Aunt Crystal were able to be here when she was born and were able to hold her and spend time with her as we were.

Sunday morning, we got up, and we had a great visit with the doctor. We were feeling hopeful again, and were in great spirits. Matt and I had a wonderful family prayer, where again, we expressed the desire to have our Ande here with us, but we understood if the Lord had a different plan. We spent a few minutes talking to Ande, and just had a very special, spiritual time.

At about 10 AM, I discovered that the umbilical cord had prolapsed. We called the nurses and headed over to Labor & delivery.

When my doctor got here (about 10 minutes after everything had started) she checked Ande and I. At that time, we found out that Ande's heart was no longer beating, and that she would be born sometime that day.

Both Matt and I feel that Ande was with us during our special time in the morning, and that she went back to our Heavenly Father before anything happened.

My mom and sister were on their way up to the hospital already, and they just came directly to labor and delivery to be with us.

As we were waiting for Ande to be born, it was very interesting. At times there were tears, but they didn't dominate the day.

We had a wonderful nurse during the day, who kept coming into my room for any reason. She liked us (we're kind of a fun group) but I think the real reason was because she could feel a special spirit in here as we were waiting for Ande.

My contractions started picking up around 4PM, and I was feeling a lot of pain. At this point I decided to get an epidural, for various reasons.

Ande was born at 9:09 in the evening. She weighed 8 oz, and was about 8 1/4 in long.

Our nurse was the same one I had Friday night. Jennifer was fantastic. She made sure that I was comfortable, but most of all, she was concerned about Ande. One of the most touching things was that when Ande was born, Jennifer made sure that Ande had a warm blanket that she was wrapped in.

We were able to spend about 20 minutes with Ande, where we each took a turn holding her. She is BEAUTIFUL. So tiny and perfect. She fit in just our hands. She has Matt's upper lip, and a tiny nose like mine. She looked like she was kind of smiling. Ande has very long fingers...something her Grandma noticed right off. Matt was able to hold Ande while they delivered the placenta, and it was very special to look over and see our daughter being cradled by her daddy.

Jennifer took Ande for a bit so they could take pictures of her. The hospital had a little dress for her, but it was huge on our baby. They put a little white bow on her head, and wrapped her in a white blanket.

After the pictures were done, Jennifer brought her back to us, and we were able to take some private pictures of our own. My sister was wonderful and took most of them.

Matt and I took a few private moments with Ande, had a family prayer together and just spent some special quiet time with her. We made sure that her grandma and auntie had the opportunity to spend time with her as well.

My mom and sister left, and we held her for a bit longer. Matt and I wanted to make sure that Ande was taken care of before her tiny body started to break down, so we had the nurse take her not too long after.

Matt and I plan on having a small, private graveside service for our baby. Ande will be buried in the same cemetery as a lot of Matt's maternal family. My brother is making her a little casket, and my sister-in-law is lining it. We planned on having our babies blessing outfits made out of my wedding dress material, so we are going to have Ande's casket lined with the satin. My mom and sister are going to make her a soft flannel blanket to be wrapped in, then she'll be put in a larger crocheted blanket my mom has.

Matt and I are doing mostly ok. It was really hard for me to let the nurse take Ande for the last time. I just cried, because all I want is to be able to take my baby home with me and raise her.

But Heavenly Father has a different plan. And while it's easy to remember that, it's also so very hard to understand.

During this trying time, Matt and I have learned what we already knew...that we have an amazing support group from our friends and family. We appreciate the prayers, emails and thoughts from all of you, and are grateful that you understand when we don't get back with you all right away.